he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
