take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do vagina's smell?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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