Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
