i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
