And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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