his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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