i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
