yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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