Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You smell like stripper and shame
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
