My friends, they love my intelligence
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
