Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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