For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
