Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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