If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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