that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
