Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
