just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
