guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
