i wish my penis had a tongue
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
