The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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