You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
