so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
