he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
