does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
