You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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