i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
