I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
