You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
