i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
