i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
