I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
