I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
