i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
