if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
