I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize