Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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