Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
