Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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