we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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