i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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