haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
