She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
