Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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