If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
