drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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