You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
