Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
