I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
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That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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