so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
