Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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