Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Randomize
