Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
