remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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