Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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