ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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