your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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