If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
