His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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