You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
