I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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