I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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