we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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