I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
